Monday, January 18, 2010

Excuse me, but I was promised "bored to death."

Hey, remember that hilarious little saying they have about law school? No, not "law school makes you fat and sucks all the joy out of life." The other one: "In 1L, they scare you to death. In 2L, they work you to death. In 3L, they bore you to death." Or, that old standby: "Don't worry, it gets easier after 1L year"?

Anyway, that sound you hear? After the "easier" bit? That is the sound of a hundred law school deans laughing maniacally as they roll in giant bathtubs full of your tuition money.
I have been there, and friends, unless there's a Christmas miracle in the next....48 hours...I'm here to tell you: it does not get easier. Sure, your tolerance for public shaming goes way up, which helps with the Socratic method bit. And, if you're at NoSchool, you'll never have to take Civ Pro again, which is sort of handy. But other than that, you're SOL on the "easier" bit.

2L was advertised as a grind, but interesting. 3L was advertised as the year that you got to come to class hungover, get chummy with the professors, and float around the golf course all day. To review: I thought 2L was a grind. That was before I experienced 3L, and realized that 2L was actually vacation. Part of this, I recognize, is my own fault. First there was the Journal of Fun and Wonderment, then Jail Skills Class (shiv not included). Then there was the idiot schedule, because apparently I got "fun" confused with "Admin Law" last semester. Which, in retrospect, was a huge mistake.

This is what I've bitten off this semester, friends- you may commence shaking your heads at me now.
Fed Courts: This class is full of Law Review 2Ls (hey look! Two of my least favorite things!). The two other 3Ls and I huddle together for protection, and frequently shake our head in judgment at them. The trouble with Fed Courts is that it is full of people who want to be clerks after graduation- and the trouble with that is that many of them are horribly insufferable prestige whores.* This fed courts class (via Legal Ease) pretty much sums up mine, except there are more smellies in mine.

Tax:I would love to call this the class that drove me to drink. Unfortunately, it's a bit late for that. But seriously? Tax. Four days a week. Ew. Upside? I'm going to be robbing the government of its rightful share of my income in no time.

Bankruptcy: We've discussed. Good news: the prof still thinks I'm a super genius. Little does he know that I'm a Super Duper Genius.

Corporate Governance: One day, I woke up, and thought that white collar crime was really, really cool. Then I thought that corporate law was super.** This, as far as I can tell, was not actually motivated by any real change in my circumstances, but might have something to do with the fact that my Corporations prof was adorably nerdy and loved google and talked really fast and was, frankly, kind of intense and not all that loveable. Which of course made me love him more, because sometimes I am kind of intense and fast talking and (kind of) enemy-making. And all of a sudden I took to corporate things. Yeah, I don't know.

Mergers & Acquisitions: See corporate governance. This, clearly, is why I took RICO last semester. I would like many complicated pieces to puzzle over, please. Thank you, sir, may I have some more?

Interpretation: Is all about the ambiguity of language in relationship to the law. When I got the syllabus for this class, I sent Darwin an email informing him that I was so very special and important that the law school created a class special, just for me. I can only assume this is payback for having Corporations every Friday at 4 during 2L year.

So, to sum up: too much work,just the right amount of nerd. You may commence pointing and laughing now, Internet. I have dug my own grave. Lucky for you, stress makes me bloggy.


*Present and accounted for. That doesn't mean I like to play with the others. 

*By super, I clearly mean "complicated and highly convoluted, not at all marketable." The parallels to my undergraduate literature studies are alarming, and may say something sort of disturbing about my psyche. I'm not sure what. Except that I like puzzles, and am not at all concerned about my potential employability. Puzzles! Weeeee!


ohhayitskk said...

I hear this, loud and clear. Everyone was like, "oh, 2L is sooo jawesome, I like never read and I'm pretty much drunk at the libes NOW!"

And then I got here. And it was not pretty.

Also, I'm taking Federal Courts next year. It makes me want to cry already.

adele said...

Have you and Virgin (of Virgin in the Volcano) spoken recently? I think the two of you can trade horror stories.

The past semester wasn't fun, but it wasn't any worse than 2L year. This semester, Antitrust may make me want to put my eyes out.

Jansen said...

Oh, my many credits is all of this?

ImNobody said...

17. Apparently, I have self-destructive academic tendencies. Or something.

Whee! Nerd-fun!

All rights reserved to my snotty and generally self-deprecating writing. And if your comments bother me, I'll delete them. That's right, pumpkin.
...How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a Frog—
To tell one's name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog!
-- Emily Dickinson