Thursday, September 10, 2009

Curiouser and curiouser: On uninvited guests.

Recently, we received a notice from our apartment management that the maintenance guys would be coming in to replace some faucets. Since our showerheads were older than Methuselah, there was much rejoicing in the Nobody household. Hooray! Water pressure!

Sometime during the Designated Week of Changing Faucets, I was in my room doing my morning routine (read: rocking out while half dressed). I had had a lovely shower, and things were great. As I was puttering around in a bra, wet hair, and jeans, I heard Roommate rummaging outside my door. The rummaging continued unabated for quite some time, so I decided it was time to check up on her. I flung open the door and inquired, with some delicacy, what the hell was going on out there.

Fun fact, internet: Roommate is not a 35 year old white male. Roommate does not wear torn jeans and sweat stained shirts. And Roommate, generally speaking, does not grunt in response to my questions or fiddle with the water heater. The maintenance guy, apparently, does.

So there was that. Apparently, he barged in on Roommate in similar fashion. She would have warned me, but she was hiding in her own room in her robe. On the upside, our water filter is changed now. But, while the maintenance guy was replacing my a piece in my faucet, he managed to break the whole fixture. Since they now had to replace the entire fixture, the maintenance guys (they had multiplied while I put on a shirt) assured us they would be back "later."

Today, I came home from school at 6 and discovered a nasty plastic bucket full of dirty water sitting on my bathroom floor. This prompted the following email exchange between Roommate and I:

Dear Roommate,

Are you missing a slightly vile looking bucket full of dirty water? Because I found one in my bathroom.

- Nobody



Um, I am concerned about our apartment. I meant to say this earlier, but forgot. When I came home at 12, I found 3 things:

1. One side of our coffee table seemed to have been pushed way further away from the couch than either of our feet could reach. I thought, huh, weird.

2. The slip of paper saying that someone had fixed the faucet (presumably in your bathroom) was sitting on the coffee table. Such slips have never been left on the coffee table before. I thought, huh, weird.

3. Someone had clipped their toenails and left 4 or 5 giant toenail clippings on the coffee table. On the side that had been pushed away from the couch. I thought, EWWWW, GROSS! I threw them away. Then I washed my hands.

Now, you have found a bucket of dirty water in your bathroom. I don’t know what these things add up to, but I don’t’ like it at all!!

So. Either we have apartment gnomes, or our maintenance guy is a real asshole.


J said...

WHAT? Who clips their toenails in someone else's apartment. What is WRONG with people.

Proto Attorney said...

That is unbelievably gross. Did the toe-clipping gnome at least provide their own clippers? If not, I'd throw yours out. Ew.

paragon2pieces said...

wow, and i thought i had problems with the maintenance guy at my apartment. this takes the cake!!!

All rights reserved to my snotty and generally self-deprecating writing. And if your comments bother me, I'll delete them. That's right, pumpkin.
...How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a Frog—
To tell one's name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog!
-- Emily Dickinson