Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Library wanking?

This post is not family friendly.

My lovely, lovely laptop returned from the laptop hospital with more issues than I sent it off with, so I am once again back on a loaner laptop from the school. It still sucks.

However, Loaner 2.0 sucks in new, more literal, ways that Loaner 1.0 did. It is still behemoth, yes, and still excruciatingly slow. It still occasionally plays hide & go seek with my files, and obstinately refuses to be pretty and perfect and fast like The Little Laptop That Could (incidentally, these recent visits to the Laptop Doctors are not a sign of weakness on the part of TLLTC: it is still perfect Just The Way It Is).

However: After plunking myself down this afternoon to get some actual "work" (unfamiliar topic, that) done, I discovered a strange thing about Loaner 2.0. Loaner 2.0, it seems,
has a dark side, as evidenced by the "bookmarks" section of my browser. Loaner 2.0, or Loaner's most recent liaison, is...how can we say this politely? A bit of a porn addict.

Gas Station F***ing? Saw Mill Sluts? Are these porn titles, or blue collar Kama Sutra chapters?

Also, downloading porn? On a school computer? Loaner 2.0's last user was either a teensy bit voyeuristic, dumb, or some combination of the two. Alternatively, this may be the fates' way of saying: "ha ha Nobody, our life is funnier when your life is more ludicrous."

To which, I have this to say: If my keyboard sticks, I'm taking notes by hand for the rest of my life. Bleach. Now.



Amanda said...

ew ew ew...

I dropped my laptop last night (it was only like a foot, but still...) and I completely FREAKED...thank goodness Big Bertha survived. I knew having a completely impractically huge monster of a laptop would come in handy at some point. Her extra girth protected me from losing what little of my mind law school hasn't corrupted!

good luck with "working"...I'm taking a break before noon, never a good sign!

no634 said...


Please tell me you took some Lysol to the keyboard...

Virgin In The Volcano said...

What's gross for you is just too funny for me. ;)

ImNobody said...

Oh believe me, I've been referring to it as the Jizz-puter all week. And then giggling madly to myself like a 13 year old boy.

Because that's how I roll. Me and the Jizz-puter.

All rights reserved to my snotty and generally self-deprecating writing. And if your comments bother me, I'll delete them. That's right, pumpkin.
...How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a Frog—
To tell one's name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog!
-- Emily Dickinson