Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Memo #11: Why, that sense of entitlement really matches your eyes

Dear NoSchool 1Ls:

Ok, I get it. I was a 1L. We all have our moments. I've resisted bashing. Even when it was probably deserved. But guys, we've got to have a sit-down. Some of your number need to be reigned in, or I am going to crack and go on a chair flinging rampage.

Guys, I trusted you on this. You met these horrid little specimens first. They're your responsibility.

I'm aware- there are ass-ish 2Ls, too. However, they have learned to stay the hell out of my way, or the class has banded together and shamed them into relative good behavior. But some of your number (PETER PRETENTIOUS THIS MEANS YOU) are sucking so hard the student lounge is at risk of turning into a black hole. We cannot let this suckitude go unchecked! Someone needs to act.

We need YOU, 1L class, to protect the school from an Epidemic of Awful.

I know. I know. As a 1L, there's lots you don't know. And you're stressed (I have terrible news for you- it does not get better). But here's a pointer for those Someones who think they are Somebody, hiding in your midst: if someone offers you friendly advice (I am friendly and helpful, believe it or not!), don't be an ass. I know- I tend to not so much give advice as I do inflict advice. This is not the issue here. My particular complaint, which I expect you to remedy:

This week, at the activities fair, I was manning my obligatory booth,* when a 1L came up to eat cookies/ask about my organization. I was perky and friendly and gave him my very candid 5-minute elevator speech. Then I started talking to him about life and outside goings-on at the law school.

This was a mistake, as Peter Pretentious does not have friends, for reasons which will be immediately apparent:

Me: Oh! And bar review- have they told you about that? It is alot of fun, and...
Peter Pretentious: *sigh*
Me: ...and you can find out about it on this other group's website- it's a great way to debrief and have some down time after the week and...
Peter Pretentious: Yeah.....I neither know, nor care, about any of that.
Me: .....
Peter Pretentious: Where's the Constitution Society?
Me: Go ask...Someone else.

Now, this may come as a shocker, but:

a) This is a professional school. You are now attending school with your peers. If you are insufferable, they will remember. And try to kill you with their eyes. I have lots of practice with this, so watch out.

b) Upperclassmen are peers, not service personnel. Give me my damn cookie back.

c) You are not as special as you mother told you you were. Shut up. And die. And don't come to bar review. Kisses!

Blurgh. Now I'm all stabby and grouchy. And it's your fault, Peter Pretentious.

NoSchool 1L class, I'm begging you- reign this monster in before someone else is forced to. This is your responsiblity....only you can prevent the suckitude.

Thanks in advance,



* What? I join organizations in the hope of making other organizations hire me. Obviously.


sarcascio said...

Trust me, would that we could. Some of these people are unreinable, if that's even a word. Firefox is telling me it isn't.

Anyway. It's difficult! Usually I just try to ignore, ignore, ignore, or give hollow, one-word platitudes. I'm sorry.

Pickled. said...

I too, hate the mean 1Ls. I yelled at one after she huffed and puffed because I was in her seat longer than 30 seconds after my class had ended. They'll learn, come January.

All rights reserved to my snotty and generally self-deprecating writing. And if your comments bother me, I'll delete them. That's right, pumpkin.
...How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a Frog—
To tell one's name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog!
-- Emily Dickinson