Sunday, August 17, 2008

In Which You Thank God I Am Not Your Proof Reader

Today, I am proof-reading the Anti-Gunner's writing sample. I do this because I am a good person, and also because he is buying my beer for the month of September.

I can drink an astounding amount of oatmeal stout, and I really, really don't like OCI season, so it could be a pricey month for him. Also, our football team sucks and I have a trifecta of crazed 3Ls (more on them later) in half my classes. It will be a heavy drinking fall.

As such, I am making very certain that he gets his money's worth, with helpful comments like 'WHAT?" and "This makes no sense. Please revise." Other highlights include:

"This sentence does not actually say anything"

"That was worth 2 beers."

"Are there additional cases on this? I don’t know, legal writing was a series of annoyed sighs and Scrabulous for me."

I'm a giver, no?

Anti-Gunner is a doll, and will invariably do just a hair better than me in...everything. This has more to do with natural talent and hard work than it does with writing ability (fellow writers of the world, take heed: simple literacy does not an A-student make in law school). This is annoying, and I occasionally take it out on him.

Don't be confused and think that he is entirely innocent in this- he's not. He's the surliest little gunner that ever did grace the law school with his grumbles and derisive sneer. Clearly, we have much in common. Which is why I am content to say:

Anti-Gunner, I love you, BUT:

Take the modifiers. Put them gently away. They do not need to be stacked to astronomical heights. They are ground dwellers.

Be kind to your prepositions. They need love, not mangling. Be good to them, and they will be good to you. No more abuse- you are the puppy-kicking demon of prepositions.

Sentences have verbs and objects, honey bear. Though it is fun. Or an overused rhetorical device. This is not. An actual sentence.

Spell check- not just for emails anymore!

YEAH Beer!



Want to send me your cover letter?


All rights reserved to my snotty and generally self-deprecating writing. And if your comments bother me, I'll delete them. That's right, pumpkin.
...How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a Frog—
To tell one's name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog!
-- Emily Dickinson