Monday, June 30, 2008

Dear Will Shortz, Let's Be Friends

Dear Mr. Shortz,

If I drop out of law school, you and I are going to have a talk. You, with your "Thanks but no thanks, bar exam"and fancy UVA degree, who blew a raspberry at legal practice and re-invented a new and exciting way to exercise my OCD. In short order, I am convinced that you (and Wordplay) will be the inspiration for my secret shame, when I trek off on a cross-country competitive crosswording jag. How do you feel about the fact that I'll have to tell my friends that I am 'meditating' or 'rollerblading' to cover for this strange addiction and maintain my street cred?

You have long been the bedevilment of my Sundays, and the reason that I had my favorite little coffee shop gives me a pat on the back and a "nice job" most Monday through Wednesday afternoons. I don't want to talk about Saturday, Will. You know how I feel about Saturday.

Above the Law is doing a series on alternative law careers- is Captain of the Crossword forthcoming? Because I'd really like your job. Thanks but no thanks, document review? I'd make an excellent crossword apprentice. Don't be shy. OCI season is upon us, and I'd hate to have to sell out to some silly personal injury firm instead. Lets face it, who wouldn't prefer to play with words, as opposed to playing with crazies? I will never have to visit the crossword in prison, or have to ask it to please, try to be sober in court, thanks, and for that, I am grateful.

I have a lot to add! I am clever, mischievous, and frequently devious. I have an expanded vocabulary. I like to frustrate smart people. I know lots of inane trivia!

Also, in re: Sunday's "inflatable kraft" ("Cheez Whiz you could blow up")? You're such a trickster, but really, Will- you need my youth and spunk. It would be perfect. Call me. I'd be a great summer associate.

And don't worry- I'm in public interest, I'm used to working for cheap.




Scrumtrulescent said...

Yay Shortz! He put together 2 of my sudoku books (yes, I have more than 2.)

Scrumtrulescent said...

P.S. Did you recently add the "thanks" part to the title of your blog? I seem to remember it simply as "...But no thanks."

ImNobody said...

Nope, I've always been "Thanks, But No Thanks"....though clearly, its the "no thanks" that has all the feeling in it.

All rights reserved to my snotty and generally self-deprecating writing. And if your comments bother me, I'll delete them. That's right, pumpkin.
...How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a Frog—
To tell one's name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog!
-- Emily Dickinson