Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Dear Law Review: I am much smarter than I look

Last night, after a very long day, I got stuck walking home in the rain. Nobody answered my phone calls, small children threw rocks at me, and the world's smallest violin played "My Heart Cries For You." In a nutshell, it was rough.

Part of my funk was due to the fact that, law school being the bubbling cauldron of misinformation that it is, I had determined that the law review write-on competition was:

1. Based on 650 pages worth of information
2. 20 pages long
3. To be written in a 2 week period, conveniently nestled into my only 'going home' time till Christmas*
4. Composed in hieroglyphics, which must be deciphered before midnight on the first full moon of May
5. Written in dingo's blood.**

Naturally, I came home and commenced having a good old fashioned I-Can't-Handle-It crisis all over the couch. Roommate, ever the practical one, handled it remarkably well. She already knew I was crazy. Anyway, after a good sleep and a nice bowl of popcorn (not in that order), we returned to campus this morning and got ourselves informed.

At this juncture, it would be noted that I believe I could make law review about as fervently as a 9 year old believes in Santa Claus. In short: youthful optimism heavily peppered with the harsh realities of "Santa's handwriting looks just like Mom's"/"Con Law does bad things to my soul and my GPA."

Anyway, during Property, Roommate looked up some actual, legitimate information (please see: things not issuing from the Harbinger of Doom).

[11:06] Nobody: hey so how did you find that write-on info?

[11:06] Roommate i basically googled "no school law review writing"

[11:07] Nobody: you are clearly a better googler than me

[11:07] Roommate: you googled "paper" "trauma" and "frightened" didn't you?

[11:08] Nobody: Yes.


It was helpful, though not as helpful as the information session that afternoon, where Roommate and I learned that we are ill-fated for academic or professional success, and clearly not among the shiny elite of Law Review:

[16:15] Roommate i want to leave

[16:17] Roommate: take me and law review....put us in a magic 8 ball and shake it up

[16:17] Roommate: and you get?

[16:17] Roommate: "sources say no"

[16:18] Nobody: hahhahahaha. Me too.

[16:18] Roommate: you may also get derisive laughter



Y
eah. So we're feeling really motivated out here today. Hello, ice cream. Law school is demoralizing.


*Think you're all grown up? Try on "But I just....want....to...go...home. Sometime. Anytime." Turns out, I'm not grown up at all, I miss my dog, and I want a cookie.


**We have since learned that none of the above are true, which just goes to show: don't listen to 1Ls.

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All rights reserved to my snotty and generally self-deprecating writing. And if your comments bother me, I'll delete them. That's right, pumpkin.
...How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a Frog—
To tell one's name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog!
-- Emily Dickinson