Thursday, February 28, 2008

We're not smiling because we like you, we're smiling because we mock you. Kisses from the Nobody household!

Today in Contracts:


Roommate:

We have to buy tickets for law prom. We also have to buy tickets together, so we can make fun of everyone else without shouting. Lets remember to bring checkbooks tomorrow, k?

- Nobody

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N:

Check and check. Also, remember to pay your rent before you go. Also, I’m pretty sure the Comcast bill is due sometime soon so we should take care of that too.

Also, the Deconstructionist is here. He just asked where “trouble” was…I’m assuming that’s you. Note: I’m already in a foul mood and he is NOT allowed to flirt with you through me!

Irritated,

Roommate

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Dear Roommate:

How insufferable of him. Trouble is what you get in when you don’t do your homework, or what you call a precocious 2 year old, before you lose patience and spank them. As I have no interest in getting spanked, I don’t think that will be a name I will respond to. Does he not understand that we are Very Clever and Important, and don't have time for his shenanigans? Was he moping again? Or is today's message "none of you are ever getting jobs, and you'll all die alone"?

Things that make me happy- thinking of derisive names for the Deconstructionist off the top of my head (Sunshine Lovelypants Cupcakebottom), because I am just so clever.

Where are you? I was going to sit with you in the library, but now I have to go to legal writing and hate everything about my life.

Yes, I will pay bills before I go. Because I am fiscally responsible, and do not take on more credit card debt than I can pay off in a month.

-- Nobody

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N:

Iwent to that Westlaw training thing, remember? That’s where I saw CupCakeBottom. I was sitting by the door and he asked me to make sure people coming in picked up one of the papers. I said…”um, you mean, will I do your job for you?” The girl with him seemed to think that was hilarious. Needless to say, I did nothing of the kind and went back to my online dress shopping, assuring him it was very important and simply I couldn’t be interrupted. I smiled when I said it though, so that makes it not bitchy……haha.

Law school = fun times. They should put that right on the application.

-- Roommate

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They really should. It is.


0 comments:

All rights reserved to my snotty and generally self-deprecating writing. And if your comments bother me, I'll delete them. That's right, pumpkin.
...How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a Frog—
To tell one's name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog!
-- Emily Dickinson