Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Dispatches from the Field: FMF Is Concerned With The Future of America

When the going gets tough, the tough call on Funny Mean Friend, to remind them that there are, in fact, more useless people in this world than a whole mess of 1Ls having a mass panic attack.


Dear Nobody,

This is what I've figured out about today's students...First off, let me establish that clearly you and I were the last of a good breed. Persistent, intelligent, too proud to make (intentional) asses of ourselves and admitting we had no clue, and generally just way above par. Today's breed, however, is disappointing in every way. My students are wankers. Annoying lazy-eyed cows...

Anyway, I was--obviously--talking about the truly sub-parness of students. My students run into a problem, any problem, and immediately run to the computer to e-mail me about how hard life is, and why it's all my fault. E-mail has actually short-circuited their ability to problem-solve.

E-mail has also short-circuited my ability to care. Here are the instructions for this assignment:
1. Find a new article that is clearly opinion using Lexis Nexis, or some other periodical database 2. Find a scholarly research article using the "electronic journal" link on the library website.
3. Use 2 to respond to 1, composing an essay in which you clearly agree or disagree with, or modify the opinion article.
4. Write a complete essay, with a thesis, beginning, middle, and end.

Incorporate and cite quotations. Include a Works Cited page.
1500 words. Due: 1 month. Today the have to show me a) their articles and b) an "outline" which includes a working thesis and two main points.

God, I'm such a bitch.

I have received more emails in the last 24 hours calling me mean, the assignment hard, and the library "lacking in resources" (if you translate that last bit into stupid, I mean). Verdict?

At some point in the next 4-5 years, life will become so hard that my students may just stop breathing, especially after they realize that there is no one to e-mail because nobody cares.


I can't wait for 2011/2012

- FMF


Sometimes, I wish I could sit in on FMF's student time. I think I would find it vindicating and hilarious: please believe, that for all of her idiot-induced angst, I envy the power she has to more or less bend them to her will. When people in law school start acting like they've drunk stupid punch, the best I can do is grumble and then blog about it. Oh, to be able to assign essays!

The trouble is, some of FMF's kiddos will grow up to be my classmates and peers some day- if thats not scary, I don't know what is.

Alternately, they really will become too stupid to breath, and this whole population problem thing will be summarily nipped in the bud.

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All rights reserved to my snotty and generally self-deprecating writing. And if your comments bother me, I'll delete them. That's right, pumpkin.
...How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a Frog—
To tell one's name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog!
-- Emily Dickinson