Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Dispatches from the Field: The Competitor Tells the Boy "Sack Up!"

The Competitor is dating a new boy. Now, to his credit, she's a dangerous woman to date: kind of a witty, adorable, wrecking ball of a girl. She is not ill-intentioned, but it is hardly her fault if boys fling themselves at her feet, now is it?

Yeah, I love her.

Anyway. We caught up today:

The Competitor: Speaking of adoring fans...you know that guy I told you about that I was kind of starting to see?
Nobody: Yeah.
TC: I'm pretty sure he's obsessed with me.
Nobody: Ha.
TC: Freakin' me out. Albeit a little bit flattering.
Nobody: Oooh. Not good obsessed.
TC: But mainly just annoying. But I'm not sure yet....He didn't call yesterday, which earned him some points.
Nobody: I see.
he is constantly like "you're beautiful you're amazing you're phenomenal you're so sexy you're so great"
TC: which i'm aware of
but to the point where i'm like... "you might kind of just be full of shit"
i haven't decided yet
TC: oh! and he's the type of guy who's calls and is like "oh baby, i miss you so much. i wish you were here right now. i miss you. i just want to be with you."
Nobody: Hahahahahahahaha!
TC: And i'm like one - it's been 3 days. i'm not your baby.
TC: Two - i just saw you 6 hours ago. there's no way i miss you after 6 hours
Nobody: thats a term that really can't get pulled out early on
TC: no. Definitely not.
TC: he kept saying to me "i wish you were here so i could cuddle you"
Nobody: HAHAHA. Oh. My.
TC: I really wanted to say "You know, i really don't enjoy cuddling that much"
Nobody: poor girl. Thats so not your speed. You really shouldn't have to be with someone who's less of a man than you
TC: truly! I would tell him to grow a pair but he might cry...Apparently he didn't get the memo that when it's bedtime, he gets his side of the bed and i get mine
no contact required
Nobody: hahahahaha. I mean. Cuddling is all well and good, but really.
TC: the problem is that he's significantly larger than i am, like by a foot. So when we're spooning and he has his arm by my neck i'm laying on his freakin' bicep.
not a pillow
which after a while grows tiresome.
TC: so my strategy has just been thrashing about till finally he lets up. Cuddling should have a 5 minute time limit on it


Nobody: so what are you going to do about the Boy?
TC: I don't know. If he lays off and starts playing it cool it might work
TC: if he calls me every night whining and pleading, it's over
Nobody: he's just so excited about you!
TC: he can't be! he doesn't even know me!
Nobody: sure he can! But you are very cute and funny. He is smitten
TC: this is true. Well he's making me be a bitch to him
Nobody: We have to be realistic. It is his fault.
TC: after about the 9th time he said "i just wish you were here to cuddle with"
i said "noted."
and he said "i detect the sarcasm in that."
and i said, "that's great. i don't know what you want me to say. i'm not going over there and you're not coming over here and we have class at 7:00 in the morning tomorrow."
Nobody: you know that behavior is only going to encourage him, right? He's going to try to love the grumpy out of you
TC: me being a bitch?
TC: he'll try to cuddle it out of me?
Nobody: yes. he's like a poultice for meanness
TC: haha. We'll find out soon enough
at the rate we're going i'm pulling out uber bitch soon
nothing that's a bigger turn off than coming on waaaaay too strong
i told my friend kaylin that the most appealing thing about him was that he's transferring at the end of the quarter, so no commitment
and she said "what if he stays because of you"
...in which case i might have to transfer.


All rights reserved to my snotty and generally self-deprecating writing. And if your comments bother me, I'll delete them. That's right, pumpkin.
...How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a Frog—
To tell one's name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog!
-- Emily Dickinson