Monday, September 03, 2007

I know you are, but what am I?

Sometimes people mistake me as nice, which I think is rather naive of them.

If I'm not talking, it is probably because I'm quietly judging you. Laugh all you want. I am thinking all the things your broken self-esteem should be saying in your head, if it weren't for all the self-enabling you've been doing these days.

No, really. It is not that I dislike you so much as I like thinking terrible things about you- keeps my creative juices flowing and so on. Don't worry, I'll be self-deprecating, too. Its just more fun to get back at you for all the annoying things you say by contemplating creative & new ways to describe that terrible thing your back fat is doing at the top of your jeans. Yawning ass-cavern? Yes, I think that will do.

Admit it, the humor is there as long as you're sure its not your ass-cavern. I'm sure you're nice on the very deep inside.


Quasi-Legal said...

That made me laugh out loud in the law library. At least eight people (and their back fat) are now contemplating ways to harm me that won't make them liable for battery. Nicely done.

All rights reserved to my snotty and generally self-deprecating writing. And if your comments bother me, I'll delete them. That's right, pumpkin.
...How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a Frog—
To tell one's name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog!
-- Emily Dickinson